Tackling the Holiday Hangover—Recognizing Holiday People Pleasing and Setting the Stage for an Emotionally Healthy New Year
Episode Notes
Feeling exhaustion or post-holiday blues? How can we step into the New Year feeling refreshed and empowered?
In this honest and vulnerable conversation, spiritual director and author Anjuli Paschall and I unpack our own journeys through holiday people-pleasing and how to reset for the New Year. As we close out the year, many of us grapple with a mix of relief and disappointment, compounded by the pressure of New Year's resolutions and the desire to start fresh. Anjuli offers her expert guidance on understanding these dynamics and introduces practical steps and spiritual practices to help us move forward with hope and clarity.
Here’s what we cover:
* How to break free from holiday people-pleasing
* The #1 way to stop trying to control other people’s feelings
* Why post-holiday let down happens & what to do
* How to develop and cultivate aspirational feelings in your body
* Why the hope of a new year sometimes hurts & how to navigate those feelings
* Prayers to move through complicated emotions
Resources:
- Episode 131: Navigating Holiday Emotions—An Honest, Heartfelt Conversation About Guilt, Nostalgia, and Exhaustion with Author & Spiritual Director Anjuli Paschall
- Feel: A Collection of Liturgies Offering Hope for Every Complicated Emotion
- Lovealways.anjuli on Instagram
- anjulipaschall.com
If you liked this, you’ll love:
- Episode 30: Protecting What’s Good Without Denying What’s Hard at the Holidays
Thanks to our sponsors:
- Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.
- Get 40% off your first order of Sundays. Go to SundaysForDogs.com/BESTOFYOU or use code BESTOFYOU at checkout.
- Go to thrivemarket.com/bestofyou for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift!
- Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU
.
Music by Andy Luiten/Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik
© 2024 Alison Cook. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Please do not copy or share the contents of this webpage without permission from the author. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.
Transcript:
Alison Cook: Hey everyone, and welcome back to this week's episode of The Best of You Podcast. I'm so thrilled to bring you today's episode with a repeat guest. If you've been following along, you might remember a beautiful conversation I had a few weeks ago around Thanksgiving with Anjuli Paschall.
Anjuli is a spiritual director and she's the author of the new book, Feel: A Collection of Liturgies Offering Hope for Every Complicated Emotion. I loved this conversation with Anjuli so much that I wanted her to come back to talk with us about some of these post-holiday emotions that we tend to feel.
In Episode 131, we talked about the emotions that tend to come up before the holidays. We talked about some of the guilt that you might feel, the pressure, the exhaustion, and the stress that many of us carry into the season. The words and the prayers that she offered to us in that episode were so powerful and were so helpful to me personally, that I knew I wanted to invite her back.
Today, Anjuli is here to help us explore what happens after the holidays. The decorations are coming down, the gatherings are over, and often we're left with some complicated post-holiday feelings. Together, we're going to dive into some of the post-holiday blues that can follow the hustle and bustle of the holidays.
We're going to talk about what it might look like to feel content after the holiday season, as opposed to exhausted and let down. We talk about some of the gloom that can linger when we're in between different seasons, when something good has ended, but something new hasn't yet quite become. We talk about the nuanced interplay of creativity and hope as we step into a new year.
In addition to being an author and spiritual director, Anjuli is the mom of five kids, and her voice is so vulnerable, insightful, and grounded in deep faith. I know you'll find her as encouraging and life-giving as I do. I'm thrilled to bring you my conversation with Anjuli Paschall.
***
Alison Cook: I so loved our conversation about pre-holiday emotions, about all of the guilt and the exhaustion. It was so helpful to me personally. It was so helpful to many listeners, to process some of these specific emotions that get tangled up inside of us. In Feel, you've created this anthology of 75 emotions. I was thinking about post-holiday emotions, because I always feel a lot of emotions, especially that week after Christmas and before new year's.
I always feel emotions that I have complicated feelings about. I'm curious, what do you think are some of the emotions that come up after the holiday dust has settled–when you wake up after Christmas day or even into the week after?
Anjuli: Yeah, that is a great question. I think none of us go into the holidays thinking, oh, on the other side, I want to come out exhausted, overwhelmed, stressed, and depleted. We have great hopes that we will come out well, that we'll do it differently this year.
Alison Cook: Yeah, exactly.
Anjuli: I don't think we can do the holidays differently unless we understand what we're doing. I don't always think it's, I'll buy less, do less, participate in less. That can help, but I don't know if that's always the cure. Because you can do very little and still feel depleted, exhausted, stressed, and tired.
You have to explore, what's happening in my internal world, that year after year, I come out on the other side not the way I hoped I would be? I don't actually have this particular feeling in my book, there's one very closely connected to it, but one feeling I experience and I hear a lot of people experiencing is the feeling of relief.
You put all the Christmas stuff away and it feels clean. Your house is back to normal. You're in a regular routine again. All the house guests have gone. There's a new year. There's a sense of refresh and restart. The feeling I would connect to that is free. But it's an interesting feeling because it makes you wonder, what are you relieved of? What were you doing that makes you like, oh, thank God I made it through that?
Alison Cook: About putting away Christmas decorations–I want to talk about that. We'll come to that one later. I feel a real letdown because there's something about the festivities and the lights and the decorations. I feel so sad when we have to take them down. That might link to nostalgia, which we talked about last time. I'm not sure, but there can be that feeling of letdown.
It is so interesting when we talk about freedom or relief. What are we feeling it from? Several years ago, going into the holidays, I noticed a pattern that every year I would wipe myself out trying to get the perfect gifts, the perfect everything. By the time the day came, I was exhausted.
Even my family was like, why are you doing this? So I made a conscious choice. I began to notice that tipping point of, I can stop. My work is done. This is good enough. I began to notice that, and consciously over the next few years, I would make myself stop at a certain point. Stop buying more gifts, doing more things, and it worked.
I'm wondering if that gets at that “free from”. I noticed there was a part of me early on, when the kids are young and you want everything to be perfect, there was a part of me that was pushing me to do things that other parts of me could become aware of. We're not moving the needle on anybody's Christmas joy with these extra gifts. Nobody needed these.
I made myself consciously look at that and assess that and make a mental note that the next year, I was going to really notice the impulse to do more, take a pause, and take a deep breath. It really worked. I wonder if that's a little bit of what you're talking about–that pressure we put on ourselves. Where does that come from?
Anjuli: I think you nailed it. The sister to that is taking responsibility for things that are not your responsibility. It's even the joy of other people. “I'm responsible to give my children the greatest, magical, most beautiful experience of Christmas.” We take that responsibility.
I do this too. I think this is the tipping point for me year after year. I'm relieved because it's like, oh, I don't have to deal with my in-laws or my sister or brother, whoever it is. I don't have to carry the responsibility of their experience.
It was a relief for me. Oh, it's done. Okay, I don't have to do that anymore. And realizing I never actually had to do that in the first place. I took that responsibility upon myself.
Alison Cook: That part of you that feels so responsible for everyone's happiness or everyone's experience, what is it afraid would happen if you didn't work so hard?
Anjuli: I think it really links to some childhood stuff. There's chaos, but if I can be the one who brings joy or brings help or brings my personality or humor, it'll take the air out of the pressure.
And there's that deep belief of, I can help. I can be the one who minimizes the chaos.
Alison Cook: There's that conditioning of, I can be the one to make Christmas magical for everybody, which is beautiful—and—exhausting. Yeah.
Anjuli: For me, even heading into the holidays and coming out of it is like, okay. What am I responsible for? And giving people back their own feelings. Oh, actually, my mom is responsible for her joy and her sorrow and her disappointment. My brother-in-law is responsible for his anger. It's such a helpful thing to give back responsibility to the person who it's due.
Alison Cook: Yeah. Their joy is their responsibility. It's not actually yours.
Anjuli: Yeah. Let me ask you this question, because I bring this conversation up a lot with people, especially with feelings. Do you think that you can control how other people feel?
Alison Cook: So the more scientific, logical, rational part of me that knows the right answer says no, we can't control how other people feel. And also, I don't think it's a complete binary. It's tricky. I think it's nuanced. This is where codependency comes in.
It's so tricky because we do have the power to impact how someone feels. If I know that there's something that's really going to bring you joy and I do that thing out of the goodness of my heart and it brings that joy to you, I've played a part in your experience of joy. That's the healthy part of it. That's what I don't want to lose. This is why I think this is tricky, but I have to be so clear inside myself, what my motivation is.
Anjuli: Yeah.
Alison Cook: When I do this thing to bring you joy, do I have the bandwidth for it? And is it a free gift? When it's a free gift that I want to give with no strings attached, that's a beautiful thing, but it's a slippery slope. Because it could be, I'm going to use this word, manipulation. I want to orchestrate everybody around me because then I feel good about myself.
Or I want to feel good about myself because I've been the good daughter or I've been the good parent or I've been the good sibling. So I think it's really nuanced. I'm curious what you think.
Anjuli: I want to push back on people when I have this conversation. Because we can't control how people feel. I think there are nuances, but I think where I really want to press on people is that you actually could do everything in your power to do the thing you think that person needs or wants that will bring them joy.
But in the end, you could do handstands and you could give and give of yourself and you could break your back and you could do all the things and they could still not feel joy.
Alison Cook: 100 percent.
Anjuli: I think that's really hard for people to really embrace. Because we have so habituated ourselves, through what I even shared from my childhood, if I do these things, then this will be the result. What's so tricky is it probably worked in a lot of people's lives. If I'm the good daughter, sister, wife, then they won't be mad at me, or then there'll be peace.
It works to a degree until it doesn't work. Until you break down or that relationship breaks down, because it's fixated on the transactional relationship.
If we bring it back to the holidays, I do this and I know so many women do. There is a good desire in there to bless and love people. But I also think it's really hard to do some things without hooks in there. If I do this, it will bring a good Christmas, or then my kids will get along, or then they'll love me back or want to come visit again.
I think there is a real work of the soul and work of the heart to relinquish any power we think we have to really transform someone's experience of Christmas.
Alison Cook: I love this conversation because again, bringing up that word codependency–when you are recovering from being a people pleaser, being someone who takes your identity out of trying to control the emotions of others, it's really helpful to remind yourself, I cannot control anybody else's experience.
It forces you to that accountability. If I do this thing, am I doing it because I want to do it out of the overflow of my own heart, regardless of how it is received? But that's a recovery journey. I know in my own life, that has absolutely been a recovery journey, even to this day, of really getting quiet enough in my own soul, and asking what is motivating me here? Am I trying to earn love? Or is this something I wish to do for this human without any expectation of any outcome from them?
Anjuli: Sure. It's like the prayer that's so close to my heart. I am in recovery too, that God would give me a pure heart. In the Sermon on the Mount: blessed are the pure in heart. It's such a desire of mine to love from a pure heart, because what a gift we can give other people when we can do that.
Alison Cook: So bringing this back to those emotions we were talking about at the beginning of this, Anjuli, relief and freedom. There's this relief. I'm curious what you think from your inventory of emotions, what is the emotion that we feel when there is that purity of heart out of our giving? I think that's a really nuanced idea–what does that feel like when I do this?
It's the opposite of resentment. It's the opposite of martyrdom. I did this out of the joy in my own heart. Take it as you see fit. I am good. I am satisfied. What is that emotion that we feel on that pure side of giving?
Anjuli: I would say the closest ones that come to mind are contentment and gratitude. It's a piece that is not determined by circumstance. When things don't go the way we hoped they would go, or the way we intended they would go, it doesn't shake your security.
Alison Cook: So let's imagine for a minute if we could feel and tap into a sense of contentment post-holiday. What would that feel like for us? I'd love to hear some of your thoughts because that feels like an emotion that we strive for. Walk us through a little bit about what contentment feels like. How do we experience that?
Anjuli: Well, the first indicator is how you feel in your body. Your heart rate is at ease, your chest is relaxed, your throat isn't closed up, your mind isn't cluttered. Your palms are relaxed. It's the posture of open palms. I think when we pay attention to our body, it's definitely an indicator of what's going on in our heart.
It's really at peace. It's a place of surrender. It's a place of, your will be done, God. I think our contentment holds hands very closely with trust in God. When we trust God with surface level things all the way down to our very beings, the soul of our being, we can relax more.
Alison Cook: I love that. Even if we feel some of the let down, some of the disappointment, or even some of the exhaustion. For the listener who hasn't felt, after the holidays, this deep sense of a contentment (if we do, that's wonderful), I'm trying to imagine, what does that feel like? Sometimes as we imagine and tap into that in our bodies, it helps us have a target in a way.
Anjuli: That's a great thing that you brought up. I love the way this conversation is going, because that's not a feeling I would typically describe that we feel after the holidays, but what I think comes up for me is, gosh, isn't that the hope? That we're here in January and we can look backwards and be like, it was hard. It was messy. I can't believe that person did that. It didn't go the way I thought I did, but here I am today, moving into a new year.
Lord, I entrust what it was into your hands and know that you will use it. Even the pain, even the hardship, even the exhaustion, as seeds that you will water and grow in my life and hopefully in the lives of other people. You will use my not-enough, where I didn't live up to who I wanted to be, and you will grow contentment in my heart, but also in their hearts.
Alison Cook: love that. So our first emotion for post-holidays is aspirational. But if we have this idea of what if I could experience more contentment, it would require a little bit more of that releasing of the grip of both my own desires and also the people I love. I can't control them.
Anjuli: Letting what was to rest. Letting what did happen, happen, and coming to peace with it.
Alison Cook: I love that. I do feel like there's something to this idea of the post-holiday blues. I'm curious what your thoughts are on some of those types of emotions. Anjuli, I know you said in our last conversation that there's a component of sadness that you actually really don't mind. Is that right?
Anjuli: The feeling that actually comes up for me when I hear you talk is the feeling of gloomy.
Alison Cook: Oh, that's a great word.
Anjuli: You're not depressed. You're sad, but you're not crying in your bed at night.
Alison Cook: It's different. It's not quite grief. Gloomy is a good word.
Anjuli: It's funny, Alison. Gloomy was the very last feeling I added. I remember I emailed my publisher like, we have to add this feeling, because it's not as deep as sadness. But it's something we experience in seasons of transition, when there has been good. I finished a season with my son's volleyball team.
I don't know if anyone listening has had kids who played a sport, but for that season, there’s that little community, the people we saw four or five times a week. You see them more than your best friends, and you have this common bond of cheering for your children and wearing the same color and analyzing all the plays and talking trash about the referees.
You form this connection, and then when that season's done, it evaporates. It's gone, and you don't really see these people that come to be your friends anymore. The feeling of gloomy comes when a season changes and there's a loss.
Alison Cook: Oh, I love that. That is it. That's what I feel. I'm curious if the listener will relate, because it doesn't feel as deep nor as sad, but it feels gloomy. What a bummer. Yeah. So talk us through a little bit, how do you think through and pray through where there's a little gloominess?
Anjuli: The most important thing is that we name it, but then to acknowledge it, because it's a higher level feeling. It's a very easy one to neglect or minimize or dismiss. When you're furious, you can't really dismiss that. It's so obvious. Even disappointment, that's a mid-level feeling. It's hard to avoid disappointment. It sticks to you.
But gloominess, you could easily drink it away, Netflix it away, shop it away. I think it's important for us to name what it is and acknowledge, yeah, that was a really good thing. I am sad that it's ending and that it may never be the same again.
Alison Cook: I love that, because what that does is give credit to the good that you're now missing. Even in your example, with the end of a sports season, which I totally get–there's excitement around it, there's energy around it, there's vitality around it–when it's over, it's this weird feeling of, oh that's a bummer.
If you don't acknowledge that, you might miss what was good. The fact that you're aware of that feeling afterward helps you understand what was really good about what came before. Yeah. I love that.
Anjuli: Would it be helpful to read a little bit from that section?
Alison Cook: I would love that. It's one of my favorite parts. I love listening to you.
Anjuli: A liturgy for when I feel gloomy. I open my heart to you, God. I feel this gloominess in my body. I'm not sure what to do with my sadness today. Give me wisdom to know what in my heart needs to be processed and prayed. My gloominess comes and goes like fog.
I feel the ache move through me. I feel loss snagging my soul. I feel hesitant to camp here for too long. But here I am now. I trust that you care about my life. As insignificant as my sorrow may be, I believe that you do care. Life is changing. Seasons come and go. I can't hold anything still. I can't control the passage of time.
I refrain from thinking about my feelings. Instead, I feel them, hold them, and acknowledge them. I unfold my heart to you. I don't need to edit my words or feelings with you. God, in this place, you are my constant. Your spirit sorts through my spirit. Your spirit comforts my spirit. Your spirit consoles and welcomes me to come undone.
Sadness exists even when words do not. I trust that you will bring me understanding. Though I can't shake this feeling, I trust that you are unshaken by it. Though I can't make sense of all my circumstances, I trust that you will make my path straight in due time. As seasons change, so do my feelings.
I wait on you. I wait on the premise that this is not the end. I wait on the promises of your love to see me through. I know this feeling isn't final, but a passage place. It is a place I must move through in prayer, and it becomes a holy ground for hope to transpire. You are with me in this liminal space.
I trust that even here, you are forming my heart in love. Help me see what I need to let go of, help me see what to hold on to. Once again, I entrust my life and the lives of those I love into your care. As life changes, I believe with all of my being that you desire my good and you are forming me in your kindness.
The growing pains I feel now are growing me to be one who loves as I have been loved. As I feel my mood swing and sway, I lean on you. I allow my sadness to be the space where your love welcomes me to come undone. Lord, hear my prayer.
Alison Cook: I love that. As I was listening, I got these images of what you want to do on a gloomy day, or even in the gloom of post holiday. Take care of yourself, wrap up in a blanket, maybe watch a cozy movie, maybe have that cup of hot chocolate. When you do those things for yourself, after having honored what you feel, it means more. It’s about really being present and taking care of myself through it.
Anjuli: Yeah. There is a piece of it where it's with transition. With the gloominess that comes, I think there is such a power in asking God, what from that last season can I hold on to? The season is gone, December 25th is gone, but I want something to live on inside of me and I want to take that with me into the next season.
Maybe there are things I actually need to let go of. Okay, my kid will never be a baby again. This is my last year with a baby. Okay. I want to honor that and know that next year they'll be running around and saying words, and so I'm gonna let that season go, things like that. What can I hold on to and what can I let go of?
Alison Cook: I love that. I love thinking through these nuanced emotions. I love gloomy. That's a great word. The other thing I was thinking of, Anjuli, as you were describing that, are children's books and imagination. It gives you a category for that. I was thinking about the gloomy characters that have a place in our imaginations, and that takes the edge off of it.
Anjuli: So true. We need that.
Alison Cook: What's another emotion that you think of, whether for the post-holiday or the anticipation of the new year?
Anjuli: We could go either with exhausted or creative. The new year's resolutions, the thing I'm going to do, or we could even circle back to longing.
Alison Cook: Let’s do creative, because I think there's something about the liminality between seasons, after Christmas yet before the new year, that in-between place. I think there is a seedbed there for the creativity of the new year. So I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.
Anjuli: Yeah. What a clean slate. So in line with New Year's resolutions, I have a word of the year. Some people are like, this is the year. It's such a fresh motivation in that liminal space of change. It's the ambition, the power, and then for some people, it can also be a discouragement if we look at our lives and want to get things back on track.
If it's our weight, if it's our mental health, if it's our finances, that can be a very defeating feeling if you have failed again and again at becoming the person or being where you want to be in life. It can be a smack across the face of, why even try? But there is something about the new year that's rejuvenating.
I do feel pretty creative at the beginning of the year, even though I'm not a New Year's resolution person. I don’t really even want to have a word this year. Every time I see people do it, I think I’m totally going to do that this year. I'm going to have a word and a verse and this is the year.
But it sparks my imagination. How do I want to imagine this year going? What are some dreams I want to revisit? What are some longings that are there? There is a fresh energy when January rolls around.
Alison Cook: You're right about that, that there can be a double edged sword to the pressure on the new year. It can invite those parts of us that get really excited and set all the goals and then other parts. It reminds me a little bit of right before Christmas, where parts of us get overzealous in ways that aren't really integrated with the rest of us.
I love that word creativity, because even in that feeling, it's not a binary. It's not, I'm going to go for it with all my goals, nor is it, I'm always going to wind up back where I was, so why bother? Creativity is about imagination and what could be. How could I imagine something new this year?
Maybe it's a little bit different from what I've tried in the past. I like that. There's something to that rhythm, with the new year, in a healthy way that isn't about the pressure of new year's goals.
Anjuli: Yes. I love that so much. Do you make a new year's resolution?
Alison Cook: I kind of make resolutions. I found that the week after Christmas, because it is that gloomy time, I like the interplay of that with creativity. So what I do is I don't call it resolutions, but I do some planning. I map out what I think, and I try to be very realistic. There are the pie in the sky goals, but when I really look at it, I go, wait a minute.
I use that time to really dig deep. If I could do a couple of things, what would they be? That's something I feel like I've gotten better at. I've gotten better at being more grounded in my body. There's obviously the 10 pie in the sky things I'd love, but I think about what's really in front of me and what would be meaningful to me if I could actually move the needle a little bit.
I use that week for that kind of planning, which sounds less romantic. I can see by your face that you relate to me, but it actually feels good. It feels satisfying. Yeah. Because I actually usually do it.
Anjuli: It's such a great place to evaluate what's working and what's not working. How can we reinvent that to serve the purpose that we're hoping?
Alison Cook: Yeah. How do you look at that for yourself?
Anjuli: I am such a feeler that when I don't feel creativity, it's so hard to be creative. It’s this weird backwards thing for me that it actually requires some discipline. You want to run that marathon, you actually have to put some shoes on. I love the dreamy part of it.
And then when it gets hard, sometimes I'm like, I didn't really want to run that marathon. Even writing this liturgy was such a work of my heart, because there are nuances to creativity. There are some really beautiful, pure things about it. And then there's some things that can bleed into our creativity that can be harmful for us.
Even writing was such a journey for my own heart of, oh, I really can see the beauty and see the harm that can be done. So this is a liturgy for when I feel creative.
I feel creative and I feel it in my body. My creativity has a story. In some ways, it has been received, hidden, set aside, or caused me hurt. For a moment, I opened my heart to you, God. God, I feel a spark flickering inside of me. A small desire is growing.
I feel it. I can't stop imagining what could come. When I close my eyes, I see all the pieces falling into place and my soul accelerates. I feel something waking up inside of me. It's risky and right and everything I've been wanting. I can come alive. The anticipation of what could come is all consuming. I want to create something beautiful.
God, I believe my hands, heart, and pent up hope all have a purpose. I want to pour all of my time, energy, and affection into this new possibility. The spark wasn't a fire kindled by mere magic. It came to me. It was ignited by you. It started someplace else. In the beginning. God, you created. I want to use creativity to get beyond the beginning.
I believe creativity will take me forward someplace else, some place that is better. I try to build a structure that will transport me from my reality to a better one in the future. God, I resist using these ideas to bring me self-glorification or selfish gain. I resist using my creativity as a way of escaping reality. I resist ignoring the creative gifts you have given me because I am afraid of not succeeding.
Parts of my heart want to manipulate the gifts you've given me in a way that I think will fix or save me, creating me a clean heart. Lord, I willingly, cautiously, and courageously step into this call to create. I don't have to make something happen. Rather, I get to move into what you have asked me to do.
I don't have to figure everything out. I don't have to do anything but be faithful to the task before me. God, I relax into the wondrous creation of the world, those around me, and my own mysterious soul. I rest in your power, God.
You inspire me. I don't use my power to build beyond you, God. I use my power to be with you. God, above all, form in me a creative heart of love. Let all that my hands do become a doorway to participate and invite others into your indwelling presence. Lord, hear my prayer.
Alison Cook: That's beautiful. As I listened to your prayer, that when we have felt thwarted creatively or we felt blocked, it's so closely tied to hope. It can hurt when we feel that flickering spark of hope, longing, that creative spark. We can feel mixed up about it.
Anjuli: Yes. It can remind us of our past failures. We're paralyzed. Oh, I already tried something. It didn't work. So I'm never going to try again to put myself out there or write the book, sing the song, paint the painting, start the business. We can stifle our creativity or we can use our creativity as a way to escape reality.
Alison Cook: The word that came to mind, it's so closely interwoven with imagination, but it’s the word fantasy. I used to create elaborate fantasies in my mind, as a kid, and I had a big imagination.
There's a lot of creativity, but the fantasy was often an escape hatch, and it had no connection to reality. In my adult life right now, sometimes I can go too far. I'll be really grounded, and within that, what I have found is that the goal is to let that fire burn even brighter inside, because it's so connected to what's real. It's different from that escape hatch. It's tricky to bring the real and the imagined together.
Anjuli: I think that's the intersection of entering into it with God, who is the great Creator. We create because God created. We don't create to get out of reality. We create to be with God in his reality.
Alison Cook: Yes. We are joining God in shaping reality for good and beauty, and that really fills your heart. But you're right, it's delicate. It's like a flame. I love how you use that metaphor of a spark. It's beautiful and vital and it's also delicate.
Anjuli: And it can burn you. Yeah. There's a witness with God in that. In whatever resolution you have, whatever the new dream is, if you allow yourself to reinvent something or change something in your life, it's not to get out of your life. It's actually to enter more deeply into the life you've been given.
Alison Cook: You've written such a beautiful book. It's called Feel, and you cover 75 different emotions. Each one has a liturgy and some thoughts, like what we've shared today. It's a beautiful resource. When you were saying you’re a feeler, I thought, you are using those gifts for good in partnership with God by bringing this beautiful book into the world and by joining us. Thank you so much.
Anjuli: Thank you for having me back. It's so great to be here with your audience and your people. You lead and you share and you guide so gently and so well. So thanks for having me back. What a gift.