I don't want to be selfish!
Isn't kindness always best?
How can I be Christlike and take time for myself?
If I had a dime for every time I've heard someone say these words to me when faced with overwhelming responsibilities, I'd have a lot of money. And if I had a nickel for every time these very thoughts ran through my own mind, I'd be even richer!
We all want to be loving, kind, and gracious toward others—and those are good, worthy goals. What we often don’t realize is that genuine love, kindness, and grace flow from a heart that has first received those qualities. As John reminds us, “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
Receiving love is one of our most important ongoing acts of obedience.
When our own tank is empty, it's hard to love others well. It's also hard to recognize when actions that feel loving toward others are slipping into ones that actually are enabling, avoiding, or even controlling. When we’re depleted, we might lash out at our kids, our friends, or those we care about. But more subtly, we might also slip into a codependency trap, where we:
- Overextend ourselves to meet others’ needs while neglecting our own.
- Confuse rescuing with genuine care and support.
- Attempt to control or fix others instead of managing ourselves.
This subtle trap leaves us drained and unable to offer the kind of loving presence that actually helps others thrive.
Self-care helps us recenter and receive Spirit-led wisdom.
And by self-care, I don’t mean bubble baths and pedicures—though those may help fill your tank on some level. I’m talking about deep, heart-and-soul care: the intentional opening of your heart to receive the loving kindness and compassion God has for you.
Imagine yourself as a strong yet vulnerable tree, flower, or vine. You need nourishment that reaches all the way down to your roots—not just to survive, but to radiate all that God created you to be. Now ask yourself:
- How am I tending to my roots right now? Am I giving myself the physical, emotional, and spiritual nourishment I need to thrive?
- What thoughts or beliefs are shaping my self-care? Am I feeding on God’s kindness and grace, or am I weighed down by self-criticism and unrealistic expectations?
- When was the last time I truly rested and received God’s love?
How can I create space to pause, breathe, and soak in God's goodness this week?
Self-care isn’t only about caring for your physical body. It’s also about recharging your heart, soul, and mind. That means:
- Stepping back to take in love, joy, and kindness from God, others, and yourself.
- Slowing down to connect with your thoughts and your feelings.
- Extending compassion to the parts of you that feel fearful, angry, or overwhelmed.
When you are intentional about receiving care, you will have so much more to give out.
As you nourish your heart, mind, and soul, the love you offer others becomes richer. Tasks become less about checking off a list, and more about genuine connection. You stop enabling others and create space for wisdom. Kindness flows naturally because you know how to be kind to yourself.
Self-care is not selfish—it’s about replenishing your emotional and spiritual reserves.
Signs You May Need Self-Care
The following cues are indicators that you might need to take some time to care for yourself:
- Irritability: You’re short and snappy with everyone around you.
- Overwhelm: Your responsibilities feel crushing.
- Exhaustion: You want to be kind, but you have no energy left.
- Indecision: You’re struggling with decisions and worried about letting others down.
If any of these resonate with you, don’t beat yourself up. These feelings are often signals that you need refueling. Remember, even Jesus stepped away from the crowds to rest and renew his spirit.
If you need refueling, here are some ideas to consider:
- Change your scenery. Step away from your usual environment to give your mind and spirit a reset. Visit a nearby church, garden, museum, or prayer space. Even a simple trip to a park, a café, or a scenic drive can provide a fresh perspective and help you breathe a little easier.
- Engage in something active or creative. Plan a fun outing for yourself or a personal adventure. Take a walk or a hike, try a new creative activity like painting, journaling, or photography, or explore an old interest you’ve set aside. Doing something that sparks joy, creativity, or movement can help revitalize parts of yourself that have grown weary.
- Seek support from a trusted adviser. Reach out and ask for support. Whether it’s a trusted friend, counselor, or pastor, sharing your thoughts and feelings with a compassionate presence can lighten your emotional load. You might also join a small group or attend a community event to remind yourself of the power of connection.
Self-care is about filling yourself up with all the good things you hope to pour out to others.
Even Jesus knew the importance of rest and renewal: "Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, [Jesus] said to them, ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’” – Mark 6:31-32 NIV
May you give yourself permission to step away, breathe deeply, and receive the rest and love your heart needs. You are worthy of care, and as you refill your spirit, you’ll find you have so much more to give.
